One of the hardest thing about being a female (at least for me) is my continual desire to compare myself (and our family) to others. I either see so clearly how much better we are at life, parenting, etc than all those other people, or I get really down on myself because other families have bigger houses, cars without dents, kids that stay in their beds, wives that cook the tastiest and healthiest foods and husbands who are the perfect dads. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with this (not the kids/wife/homeowner part) but the comparing part- whether in grades, athletics, or looks. I hit a pretty low point my senior year of high school and freshman year of college when all that I seemed to know about myself and others was challenged. While I do not struggle on a daily basis with some of the sames thing I did then, I definitely still struggle. Being a mom makes it at least 8 million times harder. Maybe 9 million times. The number of things I can find to compare is almost limitless. And then throw in social media- that compounds the problem by about 10 million. So combine being a mom with social media and the odds (for me) of not struggle with the problem of comparing is now somewhere in the trillions working against me. And then throw the holidays in there- everyone's beautiful decorations, delicious cookies, perfect Christmas cards, and adorable Christmas outfits. Now it is probably as hard as it has ever been for me not to compare and feel totally inadequate (although those inadequacies are definitely interrupted with some gloating that I am sure to do when I do have it all together). But since it is so easy for me to compare the ways that I am less than others, every year, I get one chance to say, "see, we do have it all together, just like all the rest of you people out there!" That would be our Christmas card. I choose the layout I like, the pics I like even better and print off as many as will fit in our budget so that I can prove to everyone that we really are pretty great. Of course I am being somewhat facetious, but there is definitely some truth to that. There is a part of me that wants to be the standard to which other people compare themselves. The one whose pictures get the most likes on Instagram, comments on Facebook, pins on Pinterest and most "oh's and ah's over their Christmas card. But there is a bigger part of me that knows that is completely wrong- for a lot of reasons, the most of which have to do with the fact that God created us all in His image- not one of us is better than the other. So, I just wanted to give a disclaimer before our Christmas card goes out: while I love that Christmas card probably more than any other (cause I love how God has put together our family), you should probably know that those pictures were taken on a day when I was mad most of the day. Mad at the kids, mad at Nelson, mad at life. There might be smiles in the pictures, but there were no smiles in my heart. That's real life folks, that's our real life. Thankfully, I am not mad anymore, and was not even mad by the end of that day, but I sure have been mad at other things since then. Our life is not even close to perfect, and I sure do not want anyone to think that. We get short with each other, I lose my patience with my kids, I say things I should not say to my husband, I go days without showering, my kids go to bed dirty because I do not have the energy to give them a fourth bath for the day, I haven't gotten my haircut since August, and we have eaten more eggs for dinner lately than most normal humans being should because they are cheap, fast, and easy. Sometimes I only cook a main course because I have forgotten about the sides, or even if I do make a side, whatever I tried to make totally burned. Our 1 year old normally sleeps in the basement so the rest of us do not have to be so bothered by her when she wakes up early, our 3 1/2 year old eats donuts or fruit loops for breakfast and has a dessert after almost every meal. There you have it- our life is not pretty, and I struggle comparing both myself and our lives to others. But please, in this world of internet perfection, please don't compare your life to ours and think ours is so much better (or worse for that matter- that does not accomplish anything either). But you still have my permission to think our Christmas card is cute!
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Before the Christmas Card goes out
One of the hardest thing about being a female (at least for me) is my continual desire to compare myself (and our family) to others. I either see so clearly how much better we are at life, parenting, etc than all those other people, or I get really down on myself because other families have bigger houses, cars without dents, kids that stay in their beds, wives that cook the tastiest and healthiest foods and husbands who are the perfect dads. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with this (not the kids/wife/homeowner part) but the comparing part- whether in grades, athletics, or looks. I hit a pretty low point my senior year of high school and freshman year of college when all that I seemed to know about myself and others was challenged. While I do not struggle on a daily basis with some of the sames thing I did then, I definitely still struggle. Being a mom makes it at least 8 million times harder. Maybe 9 million times. The number of things I can find to compare is almost limitless. And then throw in social media- that compounds the problem by about 10 million. So combine being a mom with social media and the odds (for me) of not struggle with the problem of comparing is now somewhere in the trillions working against me. And then throw the holidays in there- everyone's beautiful decorations, delicious cookies, perfect Christmas cards, and adorable Christmas outfits. Now it is probably as hard as it has ever been for me not to compare and feel totally inadequate (although those inadequacies are definitely interrupted with some gloating that I am sure to do when I do have it all together). But since it is so easy for me to compare the ways that I am less than others, every year, I get one chance to say, "see, we do have it all together, just like all the rest of you people out there!" That would be our Christmas card. I choose the layout I like, the pics I like even better and print off as many as will fit in our budget so that I can prove to everyone that we really are pretty great. Of course I am being somewhat facetious, but there is definitely some truth to that. There is a part of me that wants to be the standard to which other people compare themselves. The one whose pictures get the most likes on Instagram, comments on Facebook, pins on Pinterest and most "oh's and ah's over their Christmas card. But there is a bigger part of me that knows that is completely wrong- for a lot of reasons, the most of which have to do with the fact that God created us all in His image- not one of us is better than the other. So, I just wanted to give a disclaimer before our Christmas card goes out: while I love that Christmas card probably more than any other (cause I love how God has put together our family), you should probably know that those pictures were taken on a day when I was mad most of the day. Mad at the kids, mad at Nelson, mad at life. There might be smiles in the pictures, but there were no smiles in my heart. That's real life folks, that's our real life. Thankfully, I am not mad anymore, and was not even mad by the end of that day, but I sure have been mad at other things since then. Our life is not even close to perfect, and I sure do not want anyone to think that. We get short with each other, I lose my patience with my kids, I say things I should not say to my husband, I go days without showering, my kids go to bed dirty because I do not have the energy to give them a fourth bath for the day, I haven't gotten my haircut since August, and we have eaten more eggs for dinner lately than most normal humans being should because they are cheap, fast, and easy. Sometimes I only cook a main course because I have forgotten about the sides, or even if I do make a side, whatever I tried to make totally burned. Our 1 year old normally sleeps in the basement so the rest of us do not have to be so bothered by her when she wakes up early, our 3 1/2 year old eats donuts or fruit loops for breakfast and has a dessert after almost every meal. There you have it- our life is not pretty, and I struggle comparing both myself and our lives to others. But please, in this world of internet perfection, please don't compare your life to ours and think ours is so much better (or worse for that matter- that does not accomplish anything either). But you still have my permission to think our Christmas card is cute!
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3 comments:
Oh Emily, I could have written this post! complete with the days without showering, kids going to bed dirty because I don't want to bathe them, eating main dishes with no veggies or sides (unless ice cream counts), and hair that I just had cut for the first time since July! Some days I just have to not let myself get online because I'm comparing myself to the crafty moms on pinterest or the totally creative moms on my homeschool blogs or the really deep spiritual moms on my mommy blogs. Thanks for being real! And I'm looking forward to your Christmas card, which I always think is cute (how can it not be with such cute kids?!). =)
I admire you for so many reasons, and you are so far from inadequate! (After all, in your exhaustion, you actually cooked your kids eggs and gave them donuts for breakfast, while I gave mine McDonalds for dinner and nothing but chocolate milk for breakfast..in the car on the way to school!) No matter what you have, you will always wish for more. That is human nature and what keeps us motivated. Totally agree about social media, though. I hate that you had a bad day on your birthday!! But love the result of that evening, your photos and cute card! You may be "in the trenches", but you are truly blessed.
I, too, love your honesty, Em. It's refreshing & real when so much around us is not. I've actually quit social media (for the most part; I occasionally check Facebook) because I was struggling so much with how I perceived my life did not measure up. I prefer the real you, faults & all, any day to the "perfect" you online. I'm grateful for your friendship and for God's grace which sustains us both! Much love to you & Nelson & your adorable, imperfect kids. :)
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