It's been almost 2 years since I have written here on this blog. Reasons, you might wonder? Well, the typical ones- jobs, school, kids, life, etc. It felt like a chore to write on here. But now, I am thinking about bringing it back. Reasons for this, again you might wonder? Well, I'll be honest. I am kinda (and by kinda, I mean really, really, really) tired of Facebook. But before anyone writes this off as a "holier than thou" post, please hear me out. I am tired of Facebook for what it makes me feel like. After looking at, I truly feel like less of a mom, not a skinny enough (or skinny at all) person, not beautiful, and sometimes not worthy. I truly am jealous of other people's vacation, friends, and apparent good times that they are having. I struggled with comparison long before Facebook even came into existence, and only recently have I been willing to say I struggle with it even more now with Facebook. I totally understand that everyone is different- some people like it to see pictures of their friends and family, but for me looking at pictures reminds me of what I am "missing out on" or that other people are getting together and I am not one of those people. I have also been challenged to think about why I want to post pictures. and again, I will be honest. I want people to see what I am up to (the really hip and cool things that we do), how cute our kids are, what random thing I have accomplished. and I want them to think I am cool enough to be liked, be their friend, be worthy of their admiring. And let me tell you, this is not a fun way to live. And just like my struggles with comparison before Facebook, I have struggled for acceptance long before Facebook. I can remember in high school just wanting to be accepted for who I was, but never feeling like who I was was good enough. I always thought I needed to be prettier, faster, skinnier, funnier, cooler (sensing a theme here!?!) and discontentedness (is that a word? the right word?) sprung up and has taken a pretty firm root in my life. Even to this day, I still struggle with not feeling good enough. By whatever standard that is- as a wife, mom, friend, employee, athlete, woman, daughter, etc. The list could go on. But I have discovered that Facebook makes it worse. Everyday a new "article" pops up telling me I need to do this to be a better mom. The next day, another article says I need to actually do the exact opposite to be a good mom. Pictures of hip and cool people doing hip and cool things without me fill my feed. and more not good feelings arise. So I have decided over the past few weeks that I am done. At least with Facebook. For some reason, Instagram doesn't bother me as much, so I am not completely done there. Maybe just more limited :)
But that leaves me still with a desire for an outlet- an outlet of a place to say what's going on in our lives, post a picture or two and update family and friends. And for some reason, my blog feels better. I don't know if anyone will read it anymore, but maybe that's the point. It doesn't matter who sees it, cause I don't want to be posting based on what other people will think. I want to post because I want to post.
So I am going to give it a try on here for a little while and see what I think :)
