In the Trenches

This past week, my poor sister-in-law Winsor has gotten a lot of phone calls, texts, emails, snail mail, smoke signals, etc about the frustrations of this year, month week. Things like poop on the floor, poop in the tub, "poop" hitting the fan at work, etc. Lots of poop this week- whether literal or more in the analogy form. But besides these things, one of my biggest struggle lately has had to do with this half marathon that I ran today. No the struggle wasn't the actual physical go out and run 10 miles kind of thing, it was more mental. In that I really wanted to do well, but not just for doing well's sake- for the sake that I feel like a total has-been. That might sound a little extreme, but it's true. It is really hard for anyone who has any sort of competitive nature in them to feel like it is ok to "just finish the race" or "well maybe you won't have to walk at all." No, I wanted to do well. I didn't want "just finish" cause then that would mean I was not a real athlete. And I was. I used to run cross-county. We were third in the state my senior year. I used to play basketball, I got all sorts of awards for that. I used to swim and placed at state in that too. So I was good. And that's just it- I was good. I am not that good anymore. And that was really discouraging. I felt like a has-been. I used to be able to work hard and see results. Now, when I work hard whether at work or at home, I don't get a trophy, a medal or an article in the newspaper. Instead I get poop. Literal poop. And whining. And spit up. And crying. And sleepness nights. And broken iPads. No matter how hard I seem to work, nothing seems to pay off. At least not like it used to. I used to go to two-a-day basketball practices, and we would dominate in our games. I used to swim till I sweat (which if you have ever swam before, you know that is hard to do), and we would win races. I would study hard for a test and get a straight A (and I usually took the test in half the time anyone else would take). I think you get the point. And it is kinda a depressing one. Until I, like any good Covenant College grad, started to think calling. My calling. From God. My calling right now is not to be a high school athlete. It is to be a wife, a mom, a church member, an employee. I am called to spend my time now correcting whiney attitudes, cleaning up an entire meal that was thrown on the floor, changing my clothes three times a day because they got spit-up on, etc. And it is hard because there are sometimes no results to anything- except bigger piles of laundry, stains on the carpet and tears that have been shed. We are in the trenches folks, but that is because that is exactly where God has called us to be right now. No where else. It might be unrewarding, tireless, and downright discouraging. But God gives grace and hope to handle it all. So I may be a has-been when it comes to really fast times and really high test scores, but I am an "am-now" (yeah I totally made that up) to a wife, mom, etc. cause that is where God has called me to be today. And for that I am thankful.

 

 (But trust me, I will still total revel in the fact that I got a medal today- a genuine medal that basically says - "you did it and you are awesome for finishing. and a lot of people haven't done that. so be proud.")